How To Feel Comfortable In Your Own Skin

God speaks through numbers because  only math is impervious to corruption.

–math

the cure for apathy

in order to care about people, you first need to teach boring, monotonous, artificial, stifled, stubborn, whining, complaining, begging, deceptive, anxious, slow, apathetic guys to meet your need for companionship. if you can’t get them to do that, you will never be motivated to care about them. just because it’s an objectively moral thing to do, won’t force you to care any sooner. pity and guilt won’t change that either. care requires motivation. and motivation is ultimately related to necessity. there is no way to circumvent necessity; if you can’t get people to meet your needs, you won’t care about anyone. period.

anatomy of an opinion

caring about people isn’t a gift or a talent. it’s a skill that requires development. in order to teach this skill to others, you must first possess it yourself. i.e., if you want to teach others how to become desirable, you must be desirable first. which means you have to learn how to do 3 things:

say what you believe

say WHY you believe it

COMMIT to your belief

this seems easy enough on paper. so let’s try it…

ask yourself what you think about girls, sex, love, friends, family, work, school, life, death, video games—anything. you have beliefs about everything, even things you haven’t experienced. step 1 is the easy part; stating your beliefs to others may feel uncomfortable because you have no practice responding to criticism, but you can start writing down some of those beliefs.

let’s see what you wrote:

“i want pussy.”

“love is bullshit.”

“my friends are boring.”

“i hate my family.”

“work is so stressful.”

“school sucks.”

“i’m afraid of dying.”

“life is confusing as fuck.”

“video games help me kill time.”

these are some common examples of WHAT you believe. but without stating WHY you believe these things, you will offend the people you’re trying to relate to. they can’t read your mind, so they will often assume the worst based on their own competitive attitude. your beliefs might make them think you’re a dick with little education. or they might assume you were born with mental or social deficiencies. or they might think you’re just a typical boring loser like most of the people they’ve met. let’s prove them wrong.

now comes the hard part; saying why you believe those things. first let’s start with a simple statement of belief: “i believe Donald Trump is a better president than Hillary Clinton.” good enough. now tell me WHY you believe this.

“i believe Donald Trump is a better president than Hillary Clinton because he has more experience dealing with the economy.”

you’ve said why you believe Trump is a better president. you even used the word “because” to identify your reason. but ‘because’ doesn’t matter until you hit the Standard of Necessity.

the world is not concerned with your superficial reasons for your beliefs. we’re not interested in your life. we’re only interested in what affects our liveswhat’s relevant to us. if it’s only relevant to you, we don’t fucking care! without hitting this all-important Principle, you will always remain the Optional Guy in your relationships.

the purpose of knowledge is to guide. it is designed to provide a pathway to a goal. however when you abuse the function of knowledge by employing it as a grounds for accusation, people rightly stop paying attention to the facts, and understandably run to the comfort of their feelings where imagination is King.

if you want to change someone’s mind, you first have to demonstrate the point, the benefit of listening to you, not merely highlight the mistakes in understanding inevitably made along the way.

so you need to keep dividing your beliefs by asking yourself the common denominator of all opinions—‘WHY?’. why do you hold this belief? you must keep asking why until you get to the lowest common denominator for all people—necessity. ‘why’ must always match necessity. if not, your math is wrong. let’s continue…

why do you care about Trump’s experience dealing with the economy?

“…because i want to be sure i can get a stable, good-paying job.”

the world still doesn’t care about you because your answer hasn’t hit necessity yet. it’s still only relevant to you because you already know all the reasons behind your beliefs. but we don’t, and we can’t read your mind. so we don’t care. and the worst part is, we won’t even ask! we’ll just fill in the gaps in our knowledge with our assumptions about you. we’ll just think you’re some angry misogynist who got dumped by a lot of women.

let’s keep going. why do you want a stable, good-paying job?

“…because i want to be able to afford to pay my rent and car payments.”

we still don’t fucking care. what do your rent and car payments have to do with us? NOTHING! hence our inability to give a fuck about you or your life… let’s keep going…. why do you want to be able to afford to pay your bills?

“…because i want people to respect me for not leeching off of others.”

we’re getting closer! but let’s get rid of all your “not” statements. nobody is concerned or interested in what you don’t want. we only care about what you DO WANT! “i want you to stop bothering me”, “i want you to fuck off”, and “i want to end this suffering” are all unaccountable versions of what you don’t want. just because you legally used the term ‘want’ doesn’t mean you’ve met the specific demand of the question—WHY. now you understand why legalism is useless. it can only hide your intentions, but not your shitty life. specificity is everything—in math, in opinions, in whatever you do, you should strive to be specific. otherwise, you’re not being accountable to your needs.

“ok…. then i want people to respect me for being independent and resourceful enough to take care of myself and contribute to society”

why do you want people to respect you for being independent, resourceful, and contributing to society?

“…because i want people to know i’m a good person who is useful to their lives.”

why do you want people to know you’re a good person who is useful?

“…because i like people who do good things and help make other’s lives better.”

i didn’t ask why you liked those people. i asked why you want to be those people.

“…because i .. want people to….. like me.”

now we’ve hit necessity. everybody can relate to what you’ve just said even though it took us awhile to get there. all we’re missing now are the specifics and details of your statement. these are the ‘whats’ of your belief. but we’ve gotten to the gist of your belief—the WHY! so let’s take your original belief and state it in full.

original statement: “i believe Donald Trump is a better president than Hillary Clinton because he has more experience dealing with the economy.”

full opinion: “i believe Donald Trump is a better president than Hillary Clinton because he has more experience dealing with the economy. my biggest concern is getting a good paying job, not some gender identity issues or being politically correct so women don’t get their feelings hurt. i want to become a contributing member of society who people look up to for help and depend upon. this makes me feel like my life has a point—that people need me! and i want that respect so people will have a reason to like me because i only like people that i depend on in life. i’m not sure how to make friends because my Mom never taught me how to make friendships other than to be a nice to people. but being nice never got me the friends i wanted. who the fuck even knows how to be nice? what does that even mean? just don’t hurt their feelings? i don’t know. but i know people hate leeches, and i don’t know how to get people to like me other than to pay their bills and help people out when they need it. if i can get a decent paying job in Trump’s economy, then i’d rather have him in charge than Hillary. she only tweets about blacks and women. i’m neither black nor a woman, so who fucking cares? i mean Trump is some reality TV show asshole, but at least he talks specifically about the things that affect my life like illegal immigration and the economy. these are things that steal my money out of my pocket if they’re not fixed. and i need that money so people will at least have a reason to depend on me… that’s all i can think of so far.”

this is a good start. remember, your belief may or may not be correct, but the relevant issue is whether or not you’re able to express why you hold that belief. we’re not really concerned with the correctness of the belief. that’s comparatively easy to fix through public scrutiny. right now we’re primarily concerned with your ability to bring people into your experience. we’ll worry about the effects of your belief after people are motivated enough to engage with you and give you valuable feedback. this first step alone is enough to motivate an interaction.

once you get enough feedback, you’ll understand what your belief is lacking or where it’s off. the feedback may even confirm what you already think. other people’s criticism is invaluable to directing you towards specifically meeting their need for companionship. but once they start speaking, you will realize that they fall short just like you. 99 times out of 100, they will only share what they believe about what you said. they too will neglect to tell you why they believe such things. it will be your job to demand it!

when you’re finally able to guide them to the level of necessity that you have learned to focus on, you will have the grounds to respect them and subsequently like them. everybody can relate to necessity and everybody wants to hang around people whose desires they can identify with. and who will ultimately meet their desires.

when you tell me what you believe, you’re really just reflecting what i’m doing to you. what you believe is a reflection of what your parents have done to you, what society has done to you, and what i am doing to you right now.

when you tell me why you believe whatever it is that you believe, you’re letting me know exactly how my words and actions affect you. i.e., you’re revealing how your parent’s beliefs affected you, how society’s beliefs affected you, how my beliefs are affecting you right now.

this is essential feedback that’s required by the people in your relationships so they can know, not only how they affect your needs, but more importantly, how to meet your needs, especially if they disagree with your stated beliefs.

you’re basically saying: “you’ve done X and that causes me to do Y. whenever you do X, Y is my resulting belief.” your opinion let’s them know how they failing to meet your need (what you believe), and it what they can do instead to meet your need (why i believe it). thus, how i behave towards you is your responsibility! i.e., i can only care about you if you make me care about you! i can only meet your needs if you are accountable to tell me what you want.

people get offended if you only tell them WHAT you believe.

people lose their self-righteous anger if you tell them WHY you believe things because what you believe is a reflection of you whereas why you believe it is a reflection of me. I cannot get mad at you if you make me realize that I am the cause of your behavior and you are the effect of my behavior. In other words, everything you believe is a result of everything I do. Cause & Effect is the universal constant in people math.

think of all the people you hate or dislike. disagreement over beliefs is the source of the problem. and you don’t agree with their beliefs because you don’t understand how they arrived at their beliefs. they’ve never bothered to tell you. so there’s always a gap between what you actually need and what they are doing to fulfill your need. this gap must be bridged in order for you to like them.

when i see Lena Dunham, i think stupid fat Feminist stick of butter. why? because she hasn’t told me about the nature, the origin of her beliefs. she hasn’t told me why she believes what she believes, so i cannot relate to her resulting thoughts or behavior. to me, she’s just a stupid cunt who hates men. but i only think this because i’m forced to fill in the gaps in my understanding that she has knowingly left blank.

she knows EXACTLY what she believes and why she believes it… as we all do. but we’ve never been trained by our parents to declare our beliefs.. so when i think of Al Sharpton, i see a con artist civil rights flunky. why? same reason.

when i think of Donald Trump, i see an idiot with good intentions. why? same reason.

when i think Stephen Colbert, i see a Social Justice Warrior trying to fool the public. why? same reason—none of them have ever really told me WHY they believe what they believe.

when i think of my childhood friends, i see 2 categories in my head: irresponsible, undependable losers with no point to their lives, and self-serving, blind hypocrites, only concerned with their incomes, who will be shaping future generations of greedy fucks. why? same fucking reason. failure to state why they believe what they believe. this is why i lost contact with most of them and don’t enjoy hanging out with any of them today. the motivation isn’t there because they haven’t learned how to meet my need for companionship. they can only give me information, they can only play sports with me and engage in other commonalities, they can only make me laugh, but they can’t relate to me on the level of necessity that makes me care! because they don’t know how. and i certainly didn’t know how to direct them to my needs. i was raised just as incompetently as they were. their parents failed to teach them how to give their opinion just like my parents failed to teach me.

but the good news is: what i think about you is completely under your control. translation: telling me WHY you believe what you believe automatically motivates me to start caring about you because i care about necessity just like you.

and if i don’t care, that means you HAVEN’T TOLD ME WHY YET! you have just substituted more what statements and disguised them as statements of necessity. if you REALLY told me WHY you believe what you believe, we would ALWAYS be talking about the same thing….. which means if i still can’t relate to you, then you’ve only been giving cultural answers for your beliefs, but nothing specific to your needs. nothing stable that i can depend on. you need to get to necessity as soon as possible if you want my interest.

although i won’t fully care until you meet the requirement of step 3, step 2 is BACKBONE, the substance of your opinion. step 3 moves me to act, but without step 2, i have no desire to form a relationship with you because i can’t relate to you unless you speak about necessity.

you don’t have to do anything extra! you don’t even have to care about me first or be a moral person or be sympathetic to my cause or even belong to my culture. all those things are irrelevant to me if they don’t touch on my needs. the only thing that’s relevant is conveying your beliefs to me. it’s the only thing required to make me like you, and it’s the only way to successfully govern how i will feel about you.

the bad news is: what i think about you is completely under your control. translation: it’s your responsibility to make me care about you. not mine. if you don’t take the necessary steps to make me care, i won’t. and trying to guilt me into caring about you, out of some moral obligation or duty, just won’t work. in fact, trying to shame me does just the opposite—it makes me resent you! if you don’t tell me your opinion, i will have absolutely no motivation to care about you or your life.

saying why you believe what you believe is like writing a math proof; if you leave one step out, the entire equation crumbles. your relationships remain unstable.

conversely, if you include every step in your math equation—meaning, you’re specific—then nobody can refute it! because you’re not creating a new personal answer that only applies to you. you’re actually revealing the Principle through math. you’re writing the equation that not only governs your life, but the lives of every other person on the planet. and not only that, your equation becomes authoritative because it also simultaneously reveals the governing structure of the universe. people cannot deny the needs that govern their own desires when you commit to telling them WHY you believe what you believe.

if you give every reason for why you believe what you believe, you will reveal why and how you became the person you are today—the blame always goes whenever the equal sign points. stating the reasons behind your beliefs REMOVES YOUR SHAME. and just as importantly, it puts the blame where it belongs! the real culprit is exposed—your parents and the society they were raised under are finally put under public scrutiny just like you. by becoming accountable to your own beliefs, you now have the grounds to demand that those in charge of you must become accountable to their own beliefs! then we begin to see why you behave the way you behave. the math demonstrates that you had no other choice but to behave that way. you are the blank spot in the Sudoku board….

it looks like any number can go in the blank spot. BUT the numbers around it tell a different story. the surrounding numbers reveal the lie. you did NOT choose to be a fuckup! you did NOT choose to be lonely. you did NOT choose to flush your life down the toilet. your parents decided your fate before you were even born. their upbringing determined your upbringing. their attributes determined your attributes. their faults determined your faults. their irresponsibility determined your irresponsibility. ‘like father, like son’. i.e., like Single Mother, like social misfit.

your parents and the society they were raised under are the authors of your fate. NOT YOU! those were the only beliefs you encountered. yes, you are responsible for what you understand. but until you read this book, you had no idea that other possibilities even existed! how could you possibly be responsible for a life you were never trained to properly govern? how could you possibly be responsible for a life you had no idea you were in charge of controlling? you had no idea how to control your life. and neither did your parents. and neither does society. that’s why we’re so out of control today.

people’s beliefs are like doorways for you to open and step inside new worlds. BUT without someone to guide you through these beliefs, these worlds remain closed to you. these life-saving experiences, these resilient attitudes, these efficient ways of living—you can’t get there. you’re STUCK without a guide to show you the way…. how would you even know where to go?

a child’s responsibility is not to understand how to take care of itself. that is the parent’s responsibility. only after the parents have competently performed their duty do they then have the right to transfer that responsibility onto their child, in an accountable way. but without holding up their end of the bargain, it is not only shameful but HYPOCRITICAL to expect you to be accountable to your life. accountability does not form in a vacuum. you won’t magically become accountable just because it’s a good idea. you are only as accountable as those around you force you to become. if there is no governing force, you simply do not become accountable. if you take a child from birth and throw it out in the woods, it’s not going to accidentally grow up to become Thomas Jefferson or Albert Einstein. the men we respect today were forged by the people around them. without their guidance, they would become no different than us.

our parents haven’t been accountable enough to even tell us what to do to be happy, let alone train us to do it. they never showed us an efficient way of making friends while simultaneously getting our needs. they never showed us how to avoid the suffering of loneliness—my parents never even mentioned the concept of relationships just as your parents never taught you a non-suffering way of doing things. their motto was: “no PAIN, no GAIN!” as if the litmus test for satisfaction was how shitty you felt about your life… if i ABSOLUTELY HATE my fucking life, then according to my parents, i’ve gained something!…. what kind of fucking insane reasoning is that?! …. i don’t know, but this is what i’ve learned from my parents who learned it from the society they were raised by. this is the society that creates people like you and me who are unhappy with our lives and don’t know what the fuck to do about it……..

thankfully, i found out.

regretfully, i found out the hard way.

but at least i understand now. at least i’ve finally learned how to be accountable for my own beliefs. at least i’ve finally learned how to control my own life. at least i can dig myself out of the hole i’ve created with all my bad decisions that reflect all my parent’s bad decisions. and now that i know how to get what i want in a relationship and simultaneously give the other person what they need in return, i also have discovered that it’s my responsibility, my obligation—and my grim fucking consequence if i fail to do so—to MAKE SURE the people i’m in charge of have a good life. if they don’t, IT’S MY FAULT. again, because i’m the one in charge.

and the funny part is: it’s not only my job but my only choice for happiness. so on one hand, it seems like a heavy burden to lay the responsibility for someone else’s life on your shoulders… but on the other hand, IT’S YOUR ONLY CHOICE FOR HAPPINESS.

if your other choice is to step off the cliff and fall right back into the society you already live in, then what choice do you really have?? you want to be alive. and not only that, you want to be HAPPY. if you can’t be happy, there’s NO POINT TO BEING ALIVE. you’re definitely not here to suffer……..

…….so you have to learn how to direct and guide the people under your authority, or both of you are fucked. if you don’t take control of the people under your care, you won’t be able to meet their needs. and they won’t be able to meet your needs. thus, you must control them—not from some sick Hitler-esque fantasy, but for both of your sakes. you have to tell them what to do and get them to do it, otherwise you’ve doomed yourself and everyone you meet to a life of competitive misery!

listen closely: if i don’t tell the people i’m in charge of, what to do to create a happy life, and just as importantly—MAKE THEM DO IT, then i have fucked both of us over. i have doomed both of us to a life of loneliness. i have doomed society to a world of unaccountable people who make promises they don’t have the ability to keep. that is a world that will crush itself under the weight of its own disappointed, disillusioned, destructive, competitive misery.

…how do i know this for a fact, you ask? how do i know this isn’t just some holier-than-thou moralizing handjob to boost my self-esteem, you may be wondering? because now that i have learned—the VERY HARD FUCKING WAY—how to be accountable for my behavior, i know from direct personal experience exactly what happens when i’m not. when i fail to govern the people in my life, not only do they bore me to tears with their stubborn insistence on kissing my ass, eventually, they FUCK ME OVER—they lie to me, they’re ungrateful, they waste my time, they burden me with their guilt, and they depress me.

i realize what happens when i fail to govern the people whose fate i am directly responsible for determining. unlike bosses. unlike politicians. unlike presidents. and especially unlike parents… i have seen the power of an opinion work time and time again, FIRST-HAND. and i’ve witnessed the enemies created when opinions are kept secret. i’ve seen the resulting feuds that have developed between strangers who only share what they believe but refuse to say WHY they believe.

i teach people how to give opinions on a daily basis. i see their real world results up close. and i’ve also seen what happens when i refuse to give my own opinion. i create chaos within my own relationships. i create chaos within the very people whose lives i’m trying to help! ….so i know i have the power to control people’s behavior through my opinion, which means i know i have the responsibility to make them happy by telling them why i believe what i believe. it is my job to make sure i’ve been accountable to my side of the relationship.it is my job as a leader to make them happy. that is the ONLY standard people should judge their leaders by; if your life isn’t enjoyable, i consider my job a failure. if you don’t like who you are, then i have not trained you properly. something is lacking. one of us isn’t being accountable to their beliefs and we need to find out who it is! we need PUBLIC SCRUTINY to do its job so we can figure out which one of us has not given their opinion. IN FULL….which means we need to find out exactly WHO hasn’t said WHAT they believe, WHY they believe it. and last but not least, we must find out which of us has REFUSED TO COMMIT TO THEIR OWN BELIEFS and has instead stubbornly committed to everyone else’s beliefs. once we find the unaccountable party, then we know who to address to fix the problem. we know who still needs discipline. we know who still needs to realize that their opinion not only affects their own lives, but governs and CONTROLS the lives of everyone one around them!

this brings us to the hardest part of stating your opinion, step 3: committing to your beliefs.

From Cuck to Committed