I don’t know how math did it. He’s a great guy supposedly, because he knows how to merit affection, without a gun, money, knowledge, good looks. Or achievements. But how did he obtain this knowledge? I’m skeptical, because I’ve spent years wanting to know these things. My whole life was centralized around how to get lasting friends with anyone I wanted, only to fail countless times even till this day. And now there’s a guy that knows how to do it, even without all the good stuff that makes people look cool? Either life plays favorites, or it just doesn’t give a fuck about some people. But I can’t say that, because now I’m here. With the opportunity to learn.
I spoke to math on this forum. Asking him to let me learn for free. That’s how bad my desperation still is. My father doesn’t even look at me when we speak. He hates me. I hate him. We don’t know how to communicate without hating each other. It burdens me with a deep ness of sadness and desperation. But I’m still here. I still have a chance to experience satisfaction, in a controlled way. WHEN I WANT TO. Not relying on being patient. And SERENDIPITY. I’m trying to merit my fathers affections. Women’s affection....my mothers a affection. Still within this competitive loop. Because unlike math, I wasn’t rewarded by life with the motivation, or the direction, to uncover the secrets, the principles of satisfying relationships. I have a job. I work nights now. I make minimum wage...all for meriting affection. And guess what. It doesn’t work. That eats me up inside. Can you know my pain. It’s becoming numb now. Because I need to move on. To live another day...if only I could reach...love. Happiness. Understanding. True relationships...is it even real anymore? Is life worth it? Will this next paycheck merit me some affection from my dad? My mom? A girl I think is pretty?
Or will YouTube still be my best friend? Will porn still be my lover in the bathroom where no one can see...
Who am I?
As I strive to make it to this class. My relationships deteriorate around me. My dad wants me out. I can tell...
...here I go, another day. See you soon.
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We'll answer these questions as soon as we can. Look for first class back sometime after the 17th!